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Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Never Seeing Her Again



i never thought i would have to face this situation....

a lot of things had already happened in my life that i never really imagined would happen..

i already faced loosing my first love, i gave birth and i'm raising my daughter alone, i was used by a guy who pretended to be somebody who he was not, i transferred to a new school and met new friends who just wanted to hang out with me because i was the one who spends for them, i had another boyfriend who can never stand up for me because he was ashamed that i was his girl... only found out later that he just wanted to be with me for something else...i had another guy who loved me but because of every heartache that happened i never truly accepted his love and lost him as well, had a trusted friend betray me, had a trusted friend stole from me, somebody broke in to our house and killed our helper only to find out later that they wanted to kill me and my family...

come on! there's more! so much more!... i faced all of it!!!

but now.... i think i've reached my breaking point....

my mom has cancer. stage IV breast cancer metastasis to the lungs...

i really cant imagine loosing my mom... i love her so much... she took care of me for such a long time and she is the one person i can run to when i needed someone to just be there..

i stayed at home to take care of her... her nurse went home for the day...

it hurt... it truly hurt....

seeing her deterioration for the last couple of months hurt....

its truly hard and she said that she feels that she is going away very soon.

she said that she will be there for me... that she will always be there....

that i will just pray and she will come and hug me...although i won't feel her...

that she will never leave me...

but she's gonna leave me soon

i can't face it

its killing me knowing that i will never get to see her again..

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